yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i may or may not be watching the land before time
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
