I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
