i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
