she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
