I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
