My Higher Power is John Stamos
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Randomize
