so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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