We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
