fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
