Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
