So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
