Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
