giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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