If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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