none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
