Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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