Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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