Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
