remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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