I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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