Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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