My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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