dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The uberlube is also flammable
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
