yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
