Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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