I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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