Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So many bounce houses so little time
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
