Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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