As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
