Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
