I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
