He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
