Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
