The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
