there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
