We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i out mim tonsoeep
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
