She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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