I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
