I cockslap morals
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I smell like Dick and happiness
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
