She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
