Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
