You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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