she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
