if only i could text you this smell
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
