I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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