I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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