we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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