Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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