I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
