I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
