Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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