eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
