you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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