dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
