the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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