I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
