somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize