Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
