Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
