The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
