God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
