Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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