I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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