You made me cry and you don't even care
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
