Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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