I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
