My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
