Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
someone owes me an orgasm
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
