haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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