Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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